I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Slept with my first Irish dude before I even got off the plane. Dublin has no idea what I have in store for it.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
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