Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Women Are Tweeting Photos Of Their Underwear To Support Rape Victim Whose Thong Was Cited During Trial
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
21 ‘Don’t Say It’ Tweets That Are Gonna Get Said Every Damn Time
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.