my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I lost my cyber virginity to a guy I barely knew in high school while a Togepi Plushie watched.
Randomize
