Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Of course I have a pirate flag
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I was stuffing my vagina with gummy bears last night having him eat them out of me. Team Haribo for the win!
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
