he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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