The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize