I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
cat food counts as protein by the way
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
