Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
