Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
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