Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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