sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
