She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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