I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
