I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
Will exercising make me less horny?
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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