LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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