oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
