the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Ramen still too hot to eat. Eating it anyway. Stoner girls feel no pain
Dude... I had a dream that I was getting high for the first time. I got to experience my weedginity again. It was glorious.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize