I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
