dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Randomize
