the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
