That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
