im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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