He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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