Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
