Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
