paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
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I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
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despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
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