according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
Randomize
