I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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