is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
