Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
