How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
So here I am, sexting at work.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
