i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
