I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
