clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
