There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Randomize
