um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
