and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
After she lost the bet I made her get on one knee so she could "Te-blow me"
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Randomize
