the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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