By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
Randomize
