Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(650): View more from California

I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.

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(253): View more from Washington

I'm going to rape someone's good day.

Fav 14 4086 1613
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(407): View more from Florida

He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards

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(909): View more from California

it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines

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21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Read it at the TFLN blog
(845): View more from New York

Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.

Fav 20 7301 957
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...

Fav 7 1357 4963
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(716): View more from New York

I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.

Fav 103 3488 12795
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(616): View more from Michigan

i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"

Fav 7 706 1091
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(914): View more from New York

Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?

(917): View more from New York City

You know it

(914): View more from New York

Dammit now I have to marry you

Fav 2 86 12
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