K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Like I blink, and he's face first in my vagina.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.