I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
These Are 23 Of The Most Uncomfortable Questions You Can Ask
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
The 17 Most Horrible Things Said To Online Daters
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.