They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
You drinking a lot?
Define a lot
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I love you. Go after that dick
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant