I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you