Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
Went to take a shower. Brought my wine, forgot my towel.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.