69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
