We're like a lot better than the average bears
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
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