well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
