The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
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