so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Randomize
