Never fear I pulled out... she had "lies about taking birth control" written all over her
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
My penis needs a shock collar
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
