Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
