Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
