he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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