Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
She made Precious look like a solid 6.5.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Randomize
