maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
