If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
