She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
