what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Randomize
