Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
