You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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