Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
