I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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