you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
