does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I'm at about main and main street
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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