he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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