Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
he just fucked me for my cheese.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
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