The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
