so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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