friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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